Monday, March 4, 2013

Hell Week - Day before Day 1. Possibly day before day before Day 1. It's day negative 3 really.

So I woke up and went right to the site I mentioned in last night's post:
Hell's Gate - 

I'm drinking a delicious cup of coffee as I read all about how I can't have coffee or the scrumptious creamer I just bought, caramel macchiato. mmmm it's so good I could drink it straight. BUT NOT ANYMORE! and it gets worse.

The first problem is that most of the vegetables that I can have...... I'm not entirely sure what they are or where to get them. I do know for sure I do not have them. Beet Greens. That doesn't sound like a vegetable. That sounds like a cause for vegetables. That sounds like a video post about how celery is treated in countries that have no regulations dictating how you can treat vegetables. Actually it's the young leaves of the beet root. YUMMY. (I was going to add a photo to illustrate vegetable abuse, but strangely if you Google vegetable abuse you get porn. Thanks for being a pervert cucumber)

The protein section is pretty manageable. No bacon in week 1 but that's not really a big issue for me because I'm not much of a bacon fan. Damn it. Now I want some bacon. mmmm on a maple donut. No seriously check this out:

Just think about it. When you eat pancakes do you dip your bacon in the syrup? Yeah that's what I thought. You want one right? They have them in Utah I haven't tried one yet but I think about it a lot. Not as often as I day dream about dining in a restaurant with an all midget staff but more often than I wonder about what a dance named the Bob Ross would look like. I'm not the only one who thinks about that.

The next section of that teensy tiny "can have" list is fats. It's just a bunch of oil and nuts. (don't Google that either)

To summarize I need to go to a grocery store before I get this show started. I did really good today improvising but I did slip a few times:

Caramel Macchiato with a little coffee in it, Yogurt, Grape Juice, Candy Bar, Energy Drink, Hot Dog at Costco, Sprite, Apple, Grape Juice, Peach Juice, Pizza, wine, and then I gave up.

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