Tuesday, May 28, 2013

Guess what? I'm no Jane Fonda and now he has buns of steel

May 28th already. Where does the time go? It was two months ago that I was going to go on a fantastically ridiculous diet of all meat and I decided to become a triathlete. How's it going you ask?
  • Diet - I now eat nothing but meat and vegetables. and fruit. with dairy. and a lot of grain. a dash of fats and oils...... and an abundance of refined sugar. To summarize, there is some room to improve. Also I have completely abandoned the Paleo diet in favor of realistic goals. and donuts.
  • Triathlete in the making - this is a much longer story.

In the beginning I trained alone. I did not improve in any way whatsoever. BUT I got started which can sometimes be the biggest obstacle.Then something that would change everything happened. I'd been lovingly harassing my boyfriend about going to the gym with me and he finally agreed. Surprisingly after just one trip to the gym he thought we should run a 5k. We did, and I didn't totally suck! He ran with me the entire time and it was very sweet of him because it was pretty clear that he could have ran a lot faster. I was excited. He seemed really committed to working out together and I really needed the motivation to push myself harder and set my goals higher and that is so much easier to do with a partner.

What I didn't realize at the time, 
was I had just released the Kracken. 

Somewhere between the starting line and the finish line something changed for him. He went from supporting my silly desire to finish a triathlon (in the same way you support your five year old sons dream to slay a dragon), to THERE IS NOTHING ON THIS EARTH THAT CAN PREVENT US FROM BEING THE BEST TRIATHLETES THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN. It was subtle. Hardly noticeable at all really unless you caught the little demons that were dancing amid a forest of flames where his pupils should have been.

That week we equipped ourselves, race bikes, trisuits, swim caps, goggles, helmets, padded shorts, gym bags, CO2 cans, magical jelly beans and then after only one actual training session. We did our first Triathlon. I wrote about this experience in more detail in my previous blog. What I didn't mention was the fever that has taken hold of us(him). Since I awakened this competitive beast that lives with in him we have done one sometimes two races per week. Amazingly we have done a little better each time, which is really not all that surprising. As a coach he is sort of terrifying and magnificent. Having been a Marine for 10 years he has this special way of not accepting words like "I can't" or "my legs have gone numb" or "please can I use my inhaler" you know, sissy stuff.

He has been cracking the proverbial whip...... (he refuses to use an actual whip though I have suggested it numerous times and made a well thought out list of reasons that incorporating a whip in at least one of our activities would be very exciting) ........and it has driven me to exceed my own expectations. The Woman of Steel has come and gone almost without fanfare. I DID AWESOME! It's now just a baby step though.

Joking aside, this has been such a wonderful way to begin my summer. I started on this path only thinking of myself and now I've had the pleasure of watching him come to life. Somehow his accomplishments have been just as, if not more, exhilarating than my own. The reward we have found from encouraging each other and watching each other succeed has led us to join a group whose sole purpose is to encourage others to rediscover their greatness.  Look them up teamrwb.org

It was all fun and games and unicorns with speech impediments until....

Does someone want to explain to me how we have both followed the exact same training plan and he has transformed in to this hot young thing with a rock hard body and I have gained weight and my body fat percentage has actually increased? He now has abs. I have a smaller chest and a larger ass. Let me give you a visual.

he is going in this direction

I am headed in this one

I am not in any way degrading this woman I am sure she is a lovely person. I am merely demonstrating that my transformation doesn't exactly match what I originally visualized. And I have gotten shorter. I'm not kidding I really thinking I'm shorter and my feet are bigger. Can that even happen? Yes it can, because it has. I'm defying the laws of science ladies and gentleman. If I start turning purple will someone please have them roll me back into the boat and take me down to the juicing room at once?

1 comment:

  1. Oh my god this is hysterical. I haven't run a triathalon (I'm going to in a few months though) but I am a competitive distance runner. So I can really relate to the gradual build up of intensity. One day you're just happy running a mile in about 6-7 minutes. Next thing you know, if you don't break 4:30, your whole day is ruined. Getting new personal bests is only feeding your (his) beast. May God have mercy upon both of you.