Stacy hosts a book club part 1

A couple of months ago I found myself in a discussion with a total stranger about something personal enough I really shouldn't have been sharing it with a total stranger. It caused my inner monologue to scream, "Holy Sh#t Kid! You have got to make friends!" and it's true. I couldn't argue with me. Usually, I can always argue with me. Not this time. I moved to a new city over a year ago and I've yet to really make any friends. Stop picturing me alone. In the corner. Begging one of my thirty cats to, 'come give momma some love!' That isn't me. I'm not alone. I have a very full life actually. I'm ALWAYS busy. Plus, I have no cats. My best friend is my boyfriend and because we live together, I hang out with my best friend every single day. I don't feel lonely at all. Yet, it would be nice to occasionally go out with girl friends. The problem is if I wanted to have a girls night, there is a lengthy commute involved. I liked all of my friends where I used to live. I miss all of my friends where I used to live. I just don't like them enough or miss them enough to spend two hours in traffic round trip. No reflection on them. They are good quality people, wonderful people, awesome in the whole friendship department. It's me that is a poor friend. I have a billion kids. Actually I have 5 kids, but 5 kids is equal to a billion regular things. It can't be explained, it's just a fact. When you have a billion kids you can really only arrange to get away from them for maybe a few hours, and that would be maybe once or twice a month, making the idea of spending most of that time in traffic a very effective deterrent. But getting away and connecting with friends is SO important. It keeps you sane. Or in my case, it keeps me as close to sane as I am ever going to get. So I all agreed with me. I need to make friends locally. There lies the problem, how do you make friends when you no longer have recess? I can't just show them I have gum. That works when you're a kid but not so much when you're an adult unless you're trying to make friends with kids. I don't want to make friends with kids, they can't handle their liquor. I want to make friends with grown ups. But how? I Googled it. According to the all powerful interweb, you simply find something that you are interested in, and you invite people to do that with you. At first that was perplexing. I am interested in almost nothing. I do not like cats, or hats, or cats with hats. I don't like to sew, I don't like to cook. I don't like to sew hats on cats that cook. I don't like to paint or draw. I don't like to paint cooks that draw hats on cats that can sew. YOU SEE? NOTHING!!. That's when the idea hit me. I like naps.

 
I will find other people who like naps as much as I like naps and invite them over for nothing ever. Some things are just too weird. That's when a completely different idea hit me. I like to read. I read a lot. Like, a lot a lot. Reading is the best form of entertainment for me. I have a hard time really paying attention to television because my mind tends to wander. But I focus when reading a book. Even good television shows I end up missing things. It seems like I look away for one minute and when I look back suddenly somebody got shot or someone has a baby or somehow there is a goat. I spend the rest of the show wondering when did that happen? How did I miss it? The number one greatest thing about books is no one in the story says or does anything if I'm not looking. I really respect that.

So if I read and they read, I just invite them over to read. At first that seemed weird too. Two people crowding one book. Ridiculous. I'm just asking for yet another one of my "Craigs list ad placed with good intentions but horribly misunderstood" fiascos. No read-overs, they are as creepy as nap-overs. And then a third idea based on the second idea hit me. What I need is a mother f@#$%&! book club.

I created a book club and the story of my creation minus the details has been told "far" and "wide". Many have asked me "What the hell Stacy?" some have even proclaimed, "Do you even know what a book club does?" People are so curious. I've even been asked, "YOU! started a book club?" It really seems like many of these people would like to start their own book club but they just don't know how. So, I created a step by step guide for creating and hosting a gathering focused on the love of reading books. It's more than that though. It's flexible, it's fluid. It could be used as a step by step guide for creating and hosting a gathering focused on the love of whatever the hell you like. Except for instead of a step by step guide it's more of an account of what I did.

March 1st: Originally, it was my intention to join an existing book club. I asked four people if they were aware of any local book clubs I could join. They were not aware of any book clubs, so I gave up all hope of ever finding a book club. Because people are stupid.

March 2nd: Decided that since all 4 people I had asked about existing book clubs, had agreed that a book club would be fun, I should start my own.

March 2nd thru April 30th: Occasionally remembered I was going to start a book club.

May 22nd: Had a much more serious conversation about definitely eventually maybe starting a book club soon with a few other ladies that agreed book club would be fun.

June 9th:

• Read a really good book and decided more people should read. Which reminded me that I was going to start a book club.

June 10th:

• Created a Facebook page dedicated to Book Club
• Named Book Club. Book Club.
• Google searched good 'book club' books. Chose a book and immediately messaged friends that had shown interest in starting a book club. 
• Decided that we would maybe need more members
• Sent out personal messages via Facebook to anyone that met the following criteria: 1. They were local. Because I'm not making friends that live more than 20 miles away. I'm just not. 2. They might have the slightest interest in reading. They didn't need to be the bibliophile that I am to enjoy a good book. 3. I've met them and would like to get to know them better which pretty much means that I've met them and not once did I want to stab them. 
• Got super excited as the membership grew to an astounding 6 members and envisioned all of the things I could conquer with such a formidable army!!!
• Lost track of time because I "make believed" for the next six hours.
• Sternly reminded myself it was a book club not an army of the undead and I needed to calm the hell down.
• Gave myself a good pat on the back because even though I had not in fact raised an army of the undead I still accomplished a lot on this tenth day of June. If you didn't county any of the make believe time. 
• Stopped congratulating myself when I realized that in reality I had wasted the entire day, I had no idea where my children were, and they should probably be fed. Or at least watered.

June 12th:

• Checked the Facebook group and was surprised to see membership was nearing 20.
• Got so excited I made up the song "I have a book club in my pants"  
• wondered why the lyrics were "I have a book club in my pants" and not simply "I have a book club" 
• remembered the song I wrote called "cookie cookie in my pants. I'm a kangaroo."
• Became sad that I didn't have any cookies
• Became mad that I didn't have any cookies 
• Decided I should probably read the book

June 16th:

• Finished the book. Realized in horror it was the worst book I had EVER READ and I just forced 20 other women to read it too.
• Got annoyed with myself for being so dramatic. It was not the WORST. It just wasn't what I expected.
• Got annoyed with myself for trying to contain myself. I can call it the worst book if I want.
• Had to take a minute and ask myself why I never let myself be me anymore. Understood that I had a point that maybe I'm an adult and I should try harder to act like one. 
• Promised me I would stop arguing with myself. I'm not my enemy.
• Appropriately felt personally betrayed by the New York Times for convincing me I was picking a good book that tuned out to be either the worst book ever or a book I didn't like. 
• Stared at the ceiling yelling "Damn you to hell New York Times" while wildly waving my fist of fury

June 20th:

• Finally all my lamenting about book club and of high hopes and crushed dreams annoyed my family to the point I was forbidden to talked about book club between the hours of 12:00am and 11:59pm
• Was chastised for only lasting two minutes before I brought up book club again

June 27th:

• Realized the day of book club is upon us. 
• Realized it's noon and despite my barely contained excitement I had done nothing to prepare for the gathering at 7pm
• Literally nothing. At all. 
• Haven't showered
• Haven't even put pants on
• Took a nap

Part 2 of Stacy hosts a book club will be continued because I feel like this blog is long enough